The Things We Never Say

In The Things We Never Say, I was impressed by Strout’s ability to put into words so many relatable thoughts and feelings that can be difficult to describe. The novel is a rumination on what it means to feel connected to other people, whether it is possible to truly understand others, and the ways we influence one another, often without realizing it. There are some more tangible plotlines involving a past car accident and Artie’s discovery of secrets that have long been withheld from him, but I found these almost incidental to the larger emotional undercurrent of loneliness and isolation.

I appreciated this distinction between having relationships with others and actually feeling connected to them.

I think the magnitude of Artie’s loneliness is most effectively captured through his relationship with his wife. They have been married for decades, and yet they hardly seem to understand each other at all. The way Strout conveys their disconnect through ordinary interactions, without creating any outright conflict between the couple, is very well done.

Importantly, Artie’s loneliness does not come from actually being alone. There are people who care about him, and he has had a meaningful influence on the lives of others. The problem is that he does not feel understood, and he seems to grow increasingly aware that he also does not understand others. I appreciated this distinction between having relationships with others and actually feeling connected to them.

Strout’s prose has a kind of smooth, casual poignancy that is extremely well suited to the story. I suspect one of the lines most likely to be quoted from the novel is “It was a private thing, to be alive. He understood this now.” I love that one myself. But more than once, I found myself unexpectedly taken aback by a line that seemed pretty inconsequential to the story and yet carried a lot of emotional significance for some reason. For example:

“As he held the steering wheel, he saw the car in front of him with its blinker on, and then the car turned and went down the exit. The blinker was like a gentle touch on Artie’s shoulder. Then it was gone.”

The novel is set around the time of the 2024 presidential election, which plays a significant role in establishing an atmosphere of general malaise and uncertainty. I generally have mixed feelings about incorporating specific contemporary political events into literary fiction, because I think it can take away from the timelessness of the work. I think Strout handles this reasonably well for most of the novel. She explicitly acknowledges the political climate without dwelling too heavily on the particulars. Toward the end, however, she begins referencing specific policies in a way that already makes parts of the book feel a little dated.

That said, I do think the political backdrop also serves a larger purpose, so I’ll give it a pass. Artie’s sense of alienation from his own country mirrors and exacerbates the disconnect he experiences in his personal relationships. In both cases, he struggles to understand people with whom he theoretically shares so much. So even though I’m not completely sold on some of the more specific political references, we do seem to be experiencing a particularly turbulent period in American history, and I appreciate how the novel captures this broader atmosphere of division, anxiety, and uncertainty.

This idea that we might mean much more to the people around us than we are ever able to recognize ourselves was both sad and comforting.

This whole novel hit me really hard. It’s quite bleak, and I unfortunately related to the way Artie seems to become so tired and resigned by the end that he hardly even attempts to connect with anyone anymore. It isn’t entirely without hope, though. We still get glimpses of the impact he has had on other people’s lives, and of the futures those people have ahead of them. This idea that we might mean much more to the people around us than we are ever able to recognize ourselves was both sad and comforting.

Book author: Elizabeth Strout